How Far Is Home?

Narrative in response to

Far From Home - a Sci-fi story

Eenie Meanie Miney Moe

"Eeny Meanie Miney Moe"

That’s all it took.

Oh god I’m glad she’s not… When I saw that ships were gone I thought that maybe it was hers…So many odds I hadn’t considered.

Better to be up here than down there watching.

That’s what I thought. So I –

Roberto…why? And you knew. You knew what I was going to do – you were the only one who knew what I was going to do and you did it anyway.

So much for family. My own cousin sold me out.

Nylah…How do I tell you? How do I explain this?

“I failed boot camp because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

All I had to do was keep my mouth shut and my fists by my side – and I couldn’t even do that. Not even for you.

What good is…what good is that feeling if it doesn’t keep you in line?

I am who I am. I’ve always been who I am. I fight for the little guy. I fight for the weak.

I washed out of boot camp because I’m not willing to compromise who I am for anybody.

But how can I tell you that? It would have been so easy – shooting, martial arts, electronics… I was built to be in the military.

The corporal was right – They do things for the “greater good”. For the “good of humanity”.

Well that’s just bull – it’s pathetic, whiny crap they shove down your throat to make you feel like a hero when what they need is guinea pigs and red shirts.

I went to boot camp for you. I went to boot camp so I wouldn’t lose you. I went to make you proud, and happy, and god, I wish I could have seen your face as we went into orbit.

47,001, the Lieutenant Governor says. 47,001 and the 1 makes a difference.

Only 1 makes a difference and I hate – I hate – I do…

I hate that it’s you. I hate that I had to leave my home, and my family, and people who care about me because they knew I had to. I'd have been miserable without you - I had to.

How do I tell you I would kill 46,999 people for you with my own hands?

That’s how much of a difference 1 makes.

***

Meditation

There’s a unique kind of hunger you feel when you lay eyes on someone you didn’t think you would ever see again. Your pupils dilate, cause hey - you don’t believe what you’re seeing, especially if it’s someone you l-

Your heart rate increases and it’s not just faster, but harder. Loud. Loud loud. If you were in the same space you would be afraid they could hear it. That’s what I mean by loud. And it ain’t gentle.

Thud

Thud.

And then the muscles in your body start to work differently. Everything slows to a fraction of a second and you’re either too fast or two slow, but you’re never on time. Fingers itch to touch - caress a face, cup a cheek, draw close - it’s an ache.

Deep, deep down. The fingers feel it, but it pulses in the core.

That heart’s gotta do something with the blood it’s thudding around.

And then there’s your skin - sensitive, everything sensitive because after all that, it makes sense for this person to be here, so the best answer is that if they are, maybe you’re not.

Maybe you’re not.

Nylah.

Mine.

Mine again.

The things I went through to get to here, the things I’ve done, the people I’ve frightened -

I hope… I hope we’re worth it. I really do. I know you’re here to do a job, and I’m gonna stay out of your way.

And now I have to learn to do a job because…because I have to pull my weight around here. They don’t have space for someone unwilling or unable to fulfil a function. And there are things on this ship that shouldn’t be. I’m one of them. And there are functions I can fill.

Roberto had a hand in killing a lot of people. Innocent people. People essentially on life support. People who couldn’t protect themselves.

I’m going to do what I can to make sure these people reach their destination. I’m going to do what I can to make sure these people get to live whatever fantasy life they want to live. There’s a lot I won’t do.

I was wrong. I said I wouldn’t die for a cause - I said I wasn’t that stupid. But then I stowed away on a ship because…why?

Cause anywhere was better than where I was.

I didn’t think about being caught, or what would happen when I left. I didn’t tell anyone - and I hope my parents got the message.

I hope Roberto told them, because I couldn’t have.

Never going back. I’ll never see any of ‘em again.

Can’t think of anything more stupid than that.

Gonna miss you both. You knew what I was gonna do. You knew I’d never see you again. I heard you. I was listening. Even if we left - I left mad.

Maybe one day that little girl of yours’ll follow.

I hope the planet holds together long enough.

***

Sit Tight

I screwed up. This is exactly what Salisbury and Murphy were talking about. Exactly...exactly what Nylah said.

"You shouldn't have come, I'm glad you're here but don't mess things up for the rest of us."

Well, Roberto has a plan and now I'm a part of that plan - whether I meant to be or not. And I'll be blamed for that too.

He knows me too well - knows I...

What are you planning, Robbie? Why do all this? And you have this device that can read my proximity to something? What if I do what Nylah says? She's smarter than me - smarter by far. We're running for the others but should we just...stop? Am I the only thing keeping this ship from exploding?

Loretta, pull yourself together. You're not the centre of the universe. So far, your actions have put more people in danger than protected them. Literally everyone has told you that. Take a back seat and let the professionals handle this.

But are the professionals handling anything? Why are the emergency services so busy right now? If they only had the one stowaway - one person Murphy needed to worry about...

She's lying on the couch.

What are they dealing with? How could I help?

Do what they want. Do what they say. Do nothing.

What if getting to escape pods is exactly what Robbie wants? Do the opposite: Go back home and make love to the beautiful woman you never thought you'd see again.

God, what's the best way to keep her safe?

All of them.

Bet you wish you'd kept your mouth shut and hands by your sides now, huh Vásquez?

***

Danger Close

Salisbury’s crazy. Putting me in charge of a team to deal with aliens? Oh, and the team doesn’t exist yet. I have to find them. I have to build this team and make them into a group of people who can think for themselves.

Great.

Everyone on this ship is trained to follow orders. Telling them to act on instinct’ll just end in misery.

Misery for me. And death for them. Death for all of them. And I’m not having that sit with me. Kill one for the many, right? Avery doesn’t want to understand that right now. And I get it. I get it. I do. If someone killed Nylah, they and everyone they loved would be dead. No one could stop me. But he’s got it all wrong. Salisbury didn’t kill her anymore than Coral put that data stick into the drive. That’s what I was talking about with Jayden. About personal responsibility. People have to know what they’re taking on and be willing to live with that. Yvette… she did what she had to do. She knew what she was doing. She knew the potential costs and she did it anyway. Then she came back, gave what she could and did what she did. Avery needs to honour that instead of acting stupid. Those aliens killed her, and she chose her fate.

And almost killed Nylah. Damnit if there are aliens out there she’s going to want to take them all apart and learn about them and…

Roberto, you were right - this damn skirt’s gonna get me killed.

Protecting her on Earth? Easy task - no one wanted her dead or harmed. Now? Everything's out to kill her. I'm not paranoid out here - I'm not overplanning or being too careful. Out here - this is it. And I don’t think she realises that.

And now, I need to get her home and check she doesn’t have any of those things on her. Then I need to get her to check me. And I need to understand more about telepathy if that’s even a thing, because if it’s not, what’s wrong with my girlfriend? Christ.

I…don’t think anything has ever scared me more than the chance she might not get through that door.

Jettison me to the middle of nowhere, I don’t care. Space me, shoot me, stab me, burn me… Let one of those barnacle things pierce my skull, but don’t let me die knowing Nylah’s hurting. Yvette… you could have killed my…you could have killed her. You could have…no, I could have killed her. Salisbury gave me one task - get everyone outta there.

And the one person that mattered…God. The one person that mattered. I’m sorry, Yvette. You did good. You were brave, and you were smart, and you did the job. I failed. I won’t again. I can’t afford to.

Geeze… Loretta Vásquez does not cry and yet…Loretta Vásquez nearly did. Does she even realise how close we were to literally being spaced? Or did she think it was all fun and playtime?

Not a word out of her mouth, just disappeared. I said let’s go. I need her to understand when I say that, I’m saying it for her safety. I’m protecting her. “Bring the muscle”. What’s the point of the muscle if she’s not going to use it? I could have told Salisbury, I could have helped, I could have, I don’t know…

I could have knocked her out and stopped her. Carry her back. Woulda been more than enough time. Maybe I should have. Who knows what this thing is going to do, what effect it could have on her, on us. Just holding it in her hands?

Life just got more complicated. A lot more complicated.

And I still haven't told her.

She needs to know.

You're a fool, Loretta.

***